Gratitude
There is no secret formula for what to say to a friend who is grieving, just like there is no secret formula for your own experience of grief. Nobody can adequately prepare themselves for how grief will affect them. While I knew Kuttu’s loss would be hard for me, it was way harder than I had anticipated. And it still is. The one thing that really helped in the days following his passing, was the companionship of people.
Huge shout out to friends who had us over for lunch or dinner or coffee or just to talk. You gave us companionship, a change of location, a break from having to cook through our tears. In the first day or two, it even gave us someone to share our grief with, to be able to cry unfettered in front of, and acknowledge the ache that was eating us up. A big, big thank you to you, for giving us your understanding, and giving us your hugs. We needed it.
We needed the messages and the phone calls too. While during each chat, it took effort to keep from breaking down again, it also helped us process his loss. Each memory you shared of Kuttu reminded us of how special he was. One of the few things more heartbreaking than losing a pet is the fear that he may be forgotten. So, thank you, to my family and my friends, for the notes, emails, comments on this blog. For the shared tears, for reminding me of something silly he did as a puppy, or something sweet he did as a grown up.
In the week we lost Kuttu, friends had Rohan over for play-dates, or sent their child(ren) over the play with Ro. This gave him a much needed break from thinking about Kuttu. It let him just be a kid, and set aside his pain for a few hours. For this gift too, we are grateful. Ro is still struggling with the loss of his older doggy brother. He has nightmares of Kuttu dying. He cries like his heart is breaking all over again when he misses him. But he also smiles, and reminds us that Kuttu is in our hearts.
It is a sentiment I wish I could etch into my head.
While grief looks personal and intimate, it is also a burden that is so much easier when shared. It takes a village to keep you afloat, and makes you realize how much difference your friends and family make in your life. We’re grateful to have our little village.